Lack of Comments

For some bizzare reason, my last blog did not allow comments. So this blog exsists purely so readers can comment on the previous blog.

Conversing as a Kid

If ever I am caught boring myself while trying to contribute to an “adult” conversation, I try to remember what made conversations of my youth so compelling. True, most childhood conversations have only one goal in mind. The goal? To prove who’s right and who’s wrong while speculating on matters that are a complete mystery. Warning! This single goal steers adult conversations in political directions. Avoid this. Instead try to focus on the curiosity, the splendid wonder, or the utter confusion you had as a kid. Where do baby’s come from? Is dad Superman? And why can’t I drive the car? Not to mention earlier questions--clothes? To answer such questions I would follow an infallible chain of child reasoning. To help you understand the “child-terrific method” let me present a few basic rules to follow (examples included).

1. Observe--During the year I am 5 years old and my sister is 7 years old; except, when I turn 6 on my birthday and she’s still just 7

2.Question--Dad is older than Mom and Grandpa is older than Grandma. Why is that?

3. Do not conduct any experiments--but if you do make sure they involve the tormenting of small helpless creatures such as crickets, “water-skeeters,” or younger siblings.

4. Keep trying & Be Positive--So far none of the 8,432 “water-skeeters” have survived living in captivity! Maybe the next batch will be stronger, maybe you need water directly out of the canal, or maybe they need food (quick! throw in: leaves, dirt, rocks, and 2 year old Easter candy that no one likes)

5. Now try spinning in the red chair as fast as you can or hang upside down till your face turns red (do not overlook this step)

6. Form sound conclusions, based purely on a whim, and then present them to others as solid facts:

Thus, I informed my older sister that one day I would catch up to her in age, tie her, and ultimately surpass her. At which point, she tried to challenge my concrete Law of Ages, “that’s stupid.”
“Yuh huh,” I’m 6 now and your still just 7 besides all men are older than all women
*Note to the reader: Although, I presented a fact to her it is not necessary. Simply saying “yuh huh” 1100 times is more than sufficient*
“Nuh uh,” she responded.
“Yuh huh,” dad’s older than mom!
At this point I felt her confidence wavering so I decided not to press the issue further or maybe I just felt like eating a Popsicle. Either way, we never spoke of it again. Secretly, I know we’re both just waiting to see what happens. The suspense!

So to my shame I did not call my sis on her recent birthday. Was it because of contradicting theories of space and time? Maybe. Whatever the reason, you can bet that I’ll write a blog specifically to apologize to my sister Holly and to pay tribute to the wonderful childhood memories she gave me.
Love you lots Holly!

Still your younger brother,
Brad

Confessions of a Weekend Loser

Those that read my blog have probably heard all about my lucky Saturday evening. Well, its not all been a bed of dandylions. In an effort to balance out my weekend, I made up for Saturday by being pre-emptively anti-social on friday. I really didn't want to hang out with my roommate and his new girlfriend, so I stayed at home working on a project and watched a movie. Later I was confronted by Him, his girl, and his girl's roommate. They demanded, "Why didn't you come over?" I told them the un abashed truth. I got really into a movie. The movie? Dreamer. Ok! Big Deal. So I watched a cheesy family movie about a little girl and her horse...on a friday night...on my labtop...alone...eating cashews, but I didn't cry. I had something in my eye!! I give it two thumbs up. Ok the big question is: have I ever actually cried during a movie? Yes. Braveheart. End of story. I did go out with a girl who admitted to always crying during Halmark commercials. Every commercial. Ok, so I took the big step and told you mine, now tell me what movie you cried during. And I'm not talking about when you were five and you thought Baloo died in Jungle Book. I wanna hear about some films that are real tear jerkers.

Confessions of a Weekend Winner

Those that know me have probably heard all about my lucky journey to the Soccer Real game last Saturday; however, persistent rumors and speculations have caused me to compile a list in an effort to dispel myths and brag once more.

Dinner at Rodijio's, 24th row seating at the game, and ice-cream at Coldstone all for free?
True

And I got to do this with a beautiful girl that I had never met before?
True

My date recently returned from attending Harvard?
False
She attended Haverford (probably thinking it was Harvard when she signed up)

Real won. Meanwhile, Real lost?
True
This may be confusing but Madrid and SLC both have the same name that means something to Spanish speakers everywhere.

David Beckham is married to Posh Spice?
True

Why didn't SLC use the word Royal or at least something that means something in English?
This question cannot be answered at this time.

My date and I also won at Disney's Scene it?
False
We were totally blown away! I realized that there are a ton of Disney films I have never seen
Rescuers’
Rescuers’ down under
The great Mouse detective
Snow White
Lilo and Stitch
And the list could just keep going

I have seen the incredibly obscure movie Disney movie named: The Journey of Natty Gann?
True,
I liked it when I was little, but I have not seen it recently, I'm waiting to see if it shows up in a bargain bin before renting it.

Take the Quiz Sucka!

Someday something of such great importance will come along and it will have such an impact on your life that it will alter it forever. When this happens, you must never allow fear, complacency, or skepticism cause you to miss it. That day is today! It’s right now! Simply go click on the link that says Mr. T. Pop Quiz (under best waste of time). You won't regret it. Don't waste any more time reading this blog. If you are looking for that certain something to fill that big empty hole in your heart, you will not find it here. I promise that the rest of this entry contains nothing you want or need. Mr. T. would be disappointed in you if you were still reading this and not clicking on the link. He would probably say, “I pity the fool who don’t click the link and keeps reading all this Jibba Jabba!” Here, I’ll even put the link right here: Mr. T. Pop Quiz. There’s no reason for any of you to have read past that link. Ok, so are you gone yet? Cause I'm going to stop typing. I swear, you should not even be reading this part and if you don’t stop reading this part I may swear (Did you notice the clever Chiasmus?) If you did, I am impressed and also terribly disappointed that you have not yet clicked on the link. I’m going to just pretend that you haven’t read this far. I know, I’ll create a clever distraction and then I’ll put on this Ferris Buller audio tape of me sleeping. Then I can easily escape to.... Holy Batman and Robin quote! There’s something right behind you. ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

A Different Kind of Crazy (Tammie C.)

Wow! That last blog was way longer than it takes to watch my grandma eat! All I ever write about is me me ME! Sooooo....for a breath of fresh air I would like to write about some of my friends, their lives, and their ideas.

Kelly recently told me, "I love your blog! You’re much funnier when you’re not in person!"

I would add that I am also much better looking in per...Hey wait a tic! Another friend of mine recently told me a story. When I told her I was going to write about it she made me promise to change the names to protect the innocent. The only problem is that no one sounds very innocent in this story. I changed the names anyway, but only slightly.

So my friend, Grace Kelly, is residing in a very small town. You know it’s a small town if the deputy is also the sheriff, the mayor, and the only crook (Analogy courtesy of the Bar-J-Five). Being somewhat limited on her dating options, Grace decided to resume her former course with Wilbur Wright. Mid-flight, Grace remembered why the relationship had "nose-dived" in the past. A few months later she embarked on a new relationship with "the new guy" in town. The only catch, his name was Orville Wright. Yes, He's Wilbur's younger brother. She told me that the first time they kissed, all she could think about was how Orville kissed the exact same way as his older brother. Wow! If that’s true of everyone, then I may need to look up the sister of a girl I once knew. Anyway, a few months after her new relationship "took off", the older brother found out. The relationship soon crash landed as people were bailing out left and right. A lot of yelling occurred as it all went up in flames. Last I heard... Orville is headed back to Florida, Wilbur is heading nowhere, and Grace is trying to keep her feet on the ground.

Oatmeals N Cream

I recently made a discovery. In case you have not read my profile or previous posts, I love Instant Oatmeal’s that are "Cumbustibly Delicious." If you’re cringing right now, it’s probably because you ate cement as a kid and your mom just told you it was oatmeal. Or perhaps you think of apples and cinnamon flavor. Not bad, but it’s still a flavor for amateurs. Every morning I grab two packs of Blueberries N Cream, or Strawberries N Cream, or "Some Fruit" N Cream and I heat them with the hot water spout off the water cooler. If you try this, please avoid Bananas N Cream. Its disgrossting. That’s just my opinion, but it’s true. Also never use the cold water spout, Eughhhh.

Ok, so back to my discovery. I discovered another brand, besides Quaker, that was on sale for a $1.50 a box. My excitement grew as I scanned the shelves and discovered all the fruits I had come to know and love. If successful, I could potentially eat Oatmeal till the end of time!! To my everlasting shame, it was not successful. I no longer feel like a Columbus who discovered America. Instead I feel like the guy that discovers an open sewer or a manhole by falling into it.

The worst part is that I felt in my gut that something was not quite right about Kroger Oatmeal. You know, like that feeling you get when you walk by a DVD bargain bin and something catches your eye. You pause and see a movie that you loved in your childhood? "What is this doing hear?" you wonder. Obviously, there must be some mistake! Xanadu had to be dropped in this bin on accident! I'll save you time, money, and embarrassment by telling you it was not dropped there on accident. It was produced on accident. It was probably directed by a Klutz. And burning it to a DVD was a "job costing" blunder. Trust me. It was specifically thrown into the bargain bin. If it was an accident, it was most likely some employees’ ill faded attempt at a hook shot that totally missed the trash can and bounced into the bargain bin. This may be why you run into used chewing gum in the films bins at Wal-mart. I can just see a manager rationalizing why people would buy Clash of the Titans on DVD. People like matching Coasters don't they? Or perhaps it’s a cheap alternative to clay pigeons, firewood, or doggy toys. All I know is someone or many someone’s were fired. In all fairness to the employee that burned 8,000 copies of Troll 2, he was probably drunk, stoned, and thought he was copying Gladiator.

If you, or someone you love, has ever fallen victim to the bargain bin then my heart goes out to you. To avoid future occurrences, I am going to list what I like to call "Red Flags for Rip Offs." Ideas would be appreciated as I'm sure there are some "Red Flags" that I am unaware of. Here is a list of certain words (Red Flags) to BEWARE of when making purchases:

1. Kroger Oatmeal -- sure you might save money, but you might lose your soul

2. Family Restaurant --These people are desperate for business and they know that families
eat a lot more than couples. This is why you will never see "Couples Restaurant" but you'll always find a "Pet Vet/Family Restaurant."

3. Bargain Bin/$5 DVD--Read the explanation above

4. Taco Bell/Taco Schmell--Have you ever had Grade “A” beef? Think of this as a report card and your agreeing to eat the smelly Kid that got an "F."

5. Café Rio --These are the Kings of Rip Off. People will wait hours just to be ripped off by this place. They are currently undergoing their Second Lawsuit in the last few years. Surprised? Me too, I thought they would be on their 60th by now. If I was friends with Hitler, Stahlin, Satan, Ben Laden, and Hussein I would suggest we open up a restaurant together and call it Café Rio. We would also serve Cantaloupe any time of day.

6. American—if you see this word on a package, it’s doubtful that it was made in America and if it was it was not made by American Citizens.