Life Is...

I’ve always heard many sayings about life. They include:

Life is a sport
Life is a sonnet
Life is a journey
Life is a test
Life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans

I’ve decided my life is an outtake. It’s like the director just kept rolling no matter how bad I mess up my lines. You ever wish you could claim an outtake and re-shoot something. Just think of a time you put you’re foot in your mouth or a really awkward doorstep scene at the end of a date. That’s pretty much what my life is. It’s one really long awkward scene. Fortunately for me I enjoy laughing at outtakes because c’mon they're absurdly funny. Sure sometimes you feel bad for the actor and wonder if he’ll ever get it right, but then another outtake happens and you find yourself laughing so hard that you cry.

Sometimes pondering my life
causes me to shoot milk out my nose.

Sometimes pondering my life causes me to shoot milk out my nose. Shakespeare once said that all the world’s a stage. He could have added, “and some guys have alotta outtakes.” I’m just glad I’m not in a tragedy.