Oatmeals N Cream
I recently made a discovery. In case you have not read my profile or previous posts, I love Instant Oatmeal’s that are "Cumbustibly Delicious." If you’re cringing right now, it’s probably because you ate cement as a kid and your mom just told you it was oatmeal. Or perhaps you think of apples and cinnamon flavor. Not bad, but it’s still a flavor for amateurs. Every morning I grab two packs of Blueberries N Cream, or Strawberries N Cream, or "Some Fruit" N Cream and I heat them with the hot water spout off the water cooler. If you try this, please avoid Bananas N Cream. Its disgrossting. That’s just my opinion, but it’s true. Also never use the cold water spout, Eughhhh.
Ok, so back to my discovery. I discovered another brand, besides Quaker, that was on sale for a $1.50 a box. My excitement grew as I scanned the shelves and discovered all the fruits I had come to know and love. If successful, I could potentially eat Oatmeal till the end of time!! To my everlasting shame, it was not successful. I no longer feel like a Columbus who discovered America. Instead I feel like the guy that discovers an open sewer or a manhole by falling into it.
The worst part is that I felt in my gut that something was not quite right about Kroger Oatmeal. You know, like that feeling you get when you walk by a DVD bargain bin and something catches your eye. You pause and see a movie that you loved in your childhood? "What is this doing hear?" you wonder. Obviously, there must be some mistake! Xanadu had to be dropped in this bin on accident! I'll save you time, money, and embarrassment by telling you it was not dropped there on accident. It was produced on accident. It was probably directed by a Klutz. And burning it to a DVD was a "job costing" blunder. Trust me. It was specifically thrown into the bargain bin. If it was an accident, it was most likely some employees’ ill faded attempt at a hook shot that totally missed the trash can and bounced into the bargain bin. This may be why you run into used chewing gum in the films bins at Wal-mart. I can just see a manager rationalizing why people would buy Clash of the Titans on DVD. People like matching Coasters don't they? Or perhaps it’s a cheap alternative to clay pigeons, firewood, or doggy toys. All I know is someone or many someone’s were fired. In all fairness to the employee that burned 8,000 copies of Troll 2, he was probably drunk, stoned, and thought he was copying Gladiator.
If you, or someone you love, has ever fallen victim to the bargain bin then my heart goes out to you. To avoid future occurrences, I am going to list what I like to call "Red Flags for Rip Offs." Ideas would be appreciated as I'm sure there are some "Red Flags" that I am unaware of. Here is a list of certain words (Red Flags) to BEWARE of when making purchases:
1. Kroger Oatmeal -- sure you might save money, but you might lose your soul
2. Family Restaurant --These people are desperate for business and they know that families
eat a lot more than couples. This is why you will never see "Couples Restaurant" but you'll always find a "Pet Vet/Family Restaurant."
3. Bargain Bin/$5 DVD--Read the explanation above
4. Taco Bell/Taco Schmell--Have you ever had Grade “A” beef? Think of this as a report card and your agreeing to eat the smelly Kid that got an "F."
5. Café Rio --These are the Kings of Rip Off. People will wait hours just to be ripped off by this place. They are currently undergoing their Second Lawsuit in the last few years. Surprised? Me too, I thought they would be on their 60th by now. If I was friends with Hitler, Stahlin, Satan, Ben Laden, and Hussein I would suggest we open up a restaurant together and call it Café Rio. We would also serve Cantaloupe any time of day.
6. American—if you see this word on a package, it’s doubtful that it was made in America and if it was it was not made by American Citizens.
Ok, so back to my discovery. I discovered another brand, besides Quaker, that was on sale for a $1.50 a box. My excitement grew as I scanned the shelves and discovered all the fruits I had come to know and love. If successful, I could potentially eat Oatmeal till the end of time!! To my everlasting shame, it was not successful. I no longer feel like a Columbus who discovered America. Instead I feel like the guy that discovers an open sewer or a manhole by falling into it.
The worst part is that I felt in my gut that something was not quite right about Kroger Oatmeal. You know, like that feeling you get when you walk by a DVD bargain bin and something catches your eye. You pause and see a movie that you loved in your childhood? "What is this doing hear?" you wonder. Obviously, there must be some mistake! Xanadu had to be dropped in this bin on accident! I'll save you time, money, and embarrassment by telling you it was not dropped there on accident. It was produced on accident. It was probably directed by a Klutz. And burning it to a DVD was a "job costing" blunder. Trust me. It was specifically thrown into the bargain bin. If it was an accident, it was most likely some employees’ ill faded attempt at a hook shot that totally missed the trash can and bounced into the bargain bin. This may be why you run into used chewing gum in the films bins at Wal-mart. I can just see a manager rationalizing why people would buy Clash of the Titans on DVD. People like matching Coasters don't they? Or perhaps it’s a cheap alternative to clay pigeons, firewood, or doggy toys. All I know is someone or many someone’s were fired. In all fairness to the employee that burned 8,000 copies of Troll 2, he was probably drunk, stoned, and thought he was copying Gladiator.
If you, or someone you love, has ever fallen victim to the bargain bin then my heart goes out to you. To avoid future occurrences, I am going to list what I like to call "Red Flags for Rip Offs." Ideas would be appreciated as I'm sure there are some "Red Flags" that I am unaware of. Here is a list of certain words (Red Flags) to BEWARE of when making purchases:
1. Kroger Oatmeal -- sure you might save money, but you might lose your soul
2. Family Restaurant --These people are desperate for business and they know that families
eat a lot more than couples. This is why you will never see "Couples Restaurant" but you'll always find a "Pet Vet/Family Restaurant."
3. Bargain Bin/$5 DVD--Read the explanation above
4. Taco Bell/Taco Schmell--Have you ever had Grade “A” beef? Think of this as a report card and your agreeing to eat the smelly Kid that got an "F."
5. Café Rio --These are the Kings of Rip Off. People will wait hours just to be ripped off by this place. They are currently undergoing their Second Lawsuit in the last few years. Surprised? Me too, I thought they would be on their 60th by now. If I was friends with Hitler, Stahlin, Satan, Ben Laden, and Hussein I would suggest we open up a restaurant together and call it Café Rio. We would also serve Cantaloupe any time of day.
6. American—if you see this word on a package, it’s doubtful that it was made in America and if it was it was not made by American Citizens.
posted by B-rad at
1:15 PM
8 Comments:
alright hall and oats - you have officially gone too far! you bite your tongue! xanadu is not a production accident! it is an innovative, important film way ahead of it's time! it's practically genius! next thing we know you'll be saying something truly crazy such as how you think cafe rio is part of the axis of evil. . . .
I stand united with kelly on these matters. Who doth blasphemes Xanadu AND cafe rio???
Xanadu was the first film that brought the genius of rollerskating and singing togehter with wearing very short shorts. C'mon! Pure unadulterated genius.
And Cafe Rio needs no explanation - they have the most addictive Mexican Ranch. 'nuf said.
To be honest, I haven't seen Xanadu since I was a kid. Back then my sister and I loved Xanadu. My sister told me how excited she was too buy it but that it turned out to be more psycho then she remembered. Perhaps I'll have to rent it and investigate further. Or borrow it. Either way, I'm glad I offended people enough to get some comments. I should be even more inflamatory. Yay Comments!
I will not back down on Cafe Rio though. Cafe Rio is the epitomy of everything thats wrong with America. I have even tried it 4 times. My favorite part about them, is if they mess up or overcharge you, knowone complains because they would have to wait in that crazy long line again. They don't need your buissiness. Perhaps they were good when they first started, but they are way overrated and just get by on their name and the fact that its "where everyone goes" to be ripped off. Your right about the addictive food, they are being sued for putting addictive chemicals into their food such as caffeine. They are lame! Prove me wrong. I dare you to go in there and ask them to sing to you or give you something for your birthday. They won't. They do shout out if someone gets free food. Casino's use this trick with sound and flashing lights so that people feel like they are not being ripped off.
I wouldn't necessarily put cafe rio in the same category as Hitler and Stalin, but I do think that it is a hassle and not nearly as good as Bajios, which tastes better, has smaller lines and is maybe even cheaper. And Costa Vida is a decent alternative that tastes as good, less lines, less distance and less expensive.
I don't have an opinion of Xanadu, because, as you know, I watch as few movies as possible. I think your blog doesn't need to be edited to be short by the way, I think it could just be 2-3 blogs instead of one. That means even more comments. For example, the first 2 paragraphs, that's a complete blog right there. just a suggestion. This should probably be 4 different comments. sorry.
good job on the link adding. you're quite the pro blogger now.
Ok So Rebecca just taught me how to put links in and I love it. I can't stop.
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