Conversing as a Kid

If ever I am caught boring myself while trying to contribute to an “adult” conversation, I try to remember what made conversations of my youth so compelling. True, most childhood conversations have only one goal in mind. The goal? To prove who’s right and who’s wrong while speculating on matters that are a complete mystery. Warning! This single goal steers adult conversations in political directions. Avoid this. Instead try to focus on the curiosity, the splendid wonder, or the utter confusion you had as a kid. Where do baby’s come from? Is dad Superman? And why can’t I drive the car? Not to mention earlier questions--clothes? To answer such questions I would follow an infallible chain of child reasoning. To help you understand the “child-terrific method” let me present a few basic rules to follow (examples included).

1. Observe--During the year I am 5 years old and my sister is 7 years old; except, when I turn 6 on my birthday and she’s still just 7

2.Question--Dad is older than Mom and Grandpa is older than Grandma. Why is that?

3. Do not conduct any experiments--but if you do make sure they involve the tormenting of small helpless creatures such as crickets, “water-skeeters,” or younger siblings.

4. Keep trying & Be Positive--So far none of the 8,432 “water-skeeters” have survived living in captivity! Maybe the next batch will be stronger, maybe you need water directly out of the canal, or maybe they need food (quick! throw in: leaves, dirt, rocks, and 2 year old Easter candy that no one likes)

5. Now try spinning in the red chair as fast as you can or hang upside down till your face turns red (do not overlook this step)

6. Form sound conclusions, based purely on a whim, and then present them to others as solid facts:

Thus, I informed my older sister that one day I would catch up to her in age, tie her, and ultimately surpass her. At which point, she tried to challenge my concrete Law of Ages, “that’s stupid.”
“Yuh huh,” I’m 6 now and your still just 7 besides all men are older than all women
*Note to the reader: Although, I presented a fact to her it is not necessary. Simply saying “yuh huh” 1100 times is more than sufficient*
“Nuh uh,” she responded.
“Yuh huh,” dad’s older than mom!
At this point I felt her confidence wavering so I decided not to press the issue further or maybe I just felt like eating a Popsicle. Either way, we never spoke of it again. Secretly, I know we’re both just waiting to see what happens. The suspense!

So to my shame I did not call my sis on her recent birthday. Was it because of contradicting theories of space and time? Maybe. Whatever the reason, you can bet that I’ll write a blog specifically to apologize to my sister Holly and to pay tribute to the wonderful childhood memories she gave me.
Love you lots Holly!

Still your younger brother,
Brad