Advice For Summer Barbecue's
Over the years I have compiled an extensive list in an effort to help summer barbecues reach their full potential. I have racked my brain in creating an endless list of non-negotiable rules that are crucial when attending or planning a barbecue. They are listed below:
Rule #1 Do not eat potatoe salad that has sat in the sun too long (Safety).
Rule #2 If your in England it is spelled "barbrecue" instead of "barbecue."
Rule #3 Do not, under any circumstances, ever ever ever put Cantaloupe in your fruit salad! I cannot stress this point enough. Cantaloupe is the Nazis Conformist fruit. It is not content with just tasting gross on its own. Oh no, Cantaloupe feels it must corrupt all other fruit in the fruit salad. First, it starts with the delicious watermelon (a nice enough melon until Cantaloupe corrupts it into tasting just like Cantaloupe). Second, Cantaloupe goes after the grapes. The grapes put up a bigger fight then the watermelon, but in the end they succumb and become sour. Third, the bananas go bad. How can you tell when a banana goes bad? I think the first sign is that it starts rallying others to its cause, but I'm digressing. Last, Cantaloupe affects the pears or apples. I list these two together because they both end up tasting like some weird fruit that is neither an apple nor a pear. All of these effects, are unnatural and irreversible. So if you really love Cantaloupe--STOP! Cantaloupe is only meant for barbecues in the deepest circle of hell. If you still love Cantaloupe, at least keep it in a separate dish. Or, better still, don't buy Cantaloupe and support its oppressive tyranny of fruits around the world.
Rule #1 Do not eat potatoe salad that has sat in the sun too long (Safety).
Rule #2 If your in England it is spelled "barbrecue" instead of "barbecue."
Rule #3 Do not, under any circumstances, ever ever ever put Cantaloupe in your fruit salad! I cannot stress this point enough. Cantaloupe is the Nazis Conformist fruit. It is not content with just tasting gross on its own. Oh no, Cantaloupe feels it must corrupt all other fruit in the fruit salad. First, it starts with the delicious watermelon (a nice enough melon until Cantaloupe corrupts it into tasting just like Cantaloupe). Second, Cantaloupe goes after the grapes. The grapes put up a bigger fight then the watermelon, but in the end they succumb and become sour. Third, the bananas go bad. How can you tell when a banana goes bad? I think the first sign is that it starts rallying others to its cause, but I'm digressing. Last, Cantaloupe affects the pears or apples. I list these two together because they both end up tasting like some weird fruit that is neither an apple nor a pear. All of these effects, are unnatural and irreversible. So if you really love Cantaloupe--STOP! Cantaloupe is only meant for barbecues in the deepest circle of hell. If you still love Cantaloupe, at least keep it in a separate dish. Or, better still, don't buy Cantaloupe and support its oppressive tyranny of fruits around the world.
posted by B-rad at
7:35 AM
2 Comments:
the pure hate of catalope ouzes out of the page, intimate details of how it taints all around it, could be a good analogy for a lesson.....
that was a quality long-blog. I didn't even zone out once. What a great arguement, we should add it to our BBBYUSA campaign. (maybe you should add a blog about that) And I agree- DOWN WITH THE CANTALOUPE!
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