Breaking Up
Wow, it has been a long time. So much has happened. Work has been like a wild animal kingdom. Mice, deer, and weasel sightings are not uncommon. I think the employee of the month should have been presented with a stuffed weasel or deer. Also, everyone is getting engaged or breaking up and its not even Christmas. I figure Christmas is always the time that people evaluate the relationship in there minds, "do I really wanna get this person a Christmas gift or can I save the money by breaking up now" or do I really want to start of the new year with them or with a clean slate?" Whether the dumper or the dumpee, breakups stink. If you’re the dumpee, your heart gets trampled on and if you’re the dumper you track bleeding heart all over the carpet. A roommate once told me that he wished girls would just level with him during the breakup. He said, "No more made up excuses, I demand an explanation." Here's a thought, you’re to demanding! What he didn't realize is that the fake excuses are much more gentle then the jaggedly sharp truth. If enquiring minds really want a slap in the face, then here it is the unbridled untarnished blunt bone shattering truth.
**note: I'm sure this list is incomplete, but these are the only ones that come to mind when I have to break up with someone**
"I think we just need to take some time" --I've already wasted a lot of time and I can't stand to be around you a moment longer
"We are just two different people" --I'm good looking, your ugly, I can do better
"We have different personalities" --You don't have one
"We've grown apart" --I'm your second cousin (we're supposed to branch out)
"It’s not working out" --You need to work out (go to the Gym)
"We are headed in different directions" --Please stop following me, your Creepy
"This long distance relationship isn't working" --I've been seeing other people for months now and I have just been procrastinating this conversation
"I'm not ready for a serious boyfriend/girlfriend" --I want a funny one, you're boring
"We need to slow things down"--You're a terrible kisser, I got Whiplash trying to avoid you
"I'm not ready for commitment" --Your mental and should be committed
"I'm gay" --I hate when you cry and it’s easier to fake this then faking my own death
"We should start seeing other people" --I already do every time I look at you, in fact do you think my former girlfriend/boyfriend still likes me?
"You will find someone who will treat you right" --you need a prescription from a trained Psychologist
"I hope we can still be friends" --I really wanna date your roommate
"It's not you, its me" --It's you oh boy is it you! Just pick from one of the other excuses
"I need some time to find myself" --Get Lost
**note: I'm sure this list is incomplete, but these are the only ones that come to mind when I have to break up with someone**
"I think we just need to take some time" --I've already wasted a lot of time and I can't stand to be around you a moment longer
"We are just two different people" --I'm good looking, your ugly, I can do better
"We have different personalities" --You don't have one
"We've grown apart" --I'm your second cousin (we're supposed to branch out)
"It’s not working out" --You need to work out (go to the Gym)
"We are headed in different directions" --Please stop following me, your Creepy
"This long distance relationship isn't working" --I've been seeing other people for months now and I have just been procrastinating this conversation
"I'm not ready for a serious boyfriend/girlfriend" --I want a funny one, you're boring
"We need to slow things down"--You're a terrible kisser, I got Whiplash trying to avoid you
"I'm not ready for commitment" --Your mental and should be committed
"I'm gay" --I hate when you cry and it’s easier to fake this then faking my own death
"We should start seeing other people" --I already do every time I look at you, in fact do you think my former girlfriend/boyfriend still likes me?
"You will find someone who will treat you right" --you need a prescription from a trained Psychologist
"I hope we can still be friends" --I really wanna date your roommate
"It's not you, its me" --It's you oh boy is it you! Just pick from one of the other excuses
"I need some time to find myself" --Get Lost
posted by B-rad at
1:41 PM
7 Comments:
brad the truth is jagged and painful, way to day it though
you forgot the translation to, "i gotta be honest, i'm not going to call you again" which really means . . . i'm not . . . going to ever . . . call you . . . again. um. oh . . .
Very funny. I'm Lori, Kelly's friend and just invited myself to join your blog comments. We've met, but i'm sure you don't remember. Very funny blogging. Food for thought. What does it mean when they move away and don't tell you where they went? Is that bad?
so when you told me the other day that you hate when I cry were you actually telling me that you're gay?
no becca, its because your nose runs like hose and it reminds me of Swamp Beast 7.
I'm so glad you finally read my comment. Swamp Beast 7? I don't know what that is but it really didn't sound like a compliment so I'm not going to look further in to that.
Hey what a great site keep up the work its excellent.
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