And the Part of THE GIRL will be played by...
Sometimes girls employ clever mind trickery. On second thought, scratch the "sometimes" and replace it with "always." For example, a friend of mine (girl) invited me to dinner and a carnival with a bunch of people. Sounds safe right? Wrong. Right after I agreed, she responded by saying, "Ok, but you can't ditch out on me cause you’re my date." Bam! Just like that I had agreed to go on a date with a girl I considered just a friend. What’s worse is that this put me in the role of the girl. Thus, this should sound familiar to most girls, but it offered me further perspective into foreign territory. Sure I've been asked out before, but usually my “spidey-sense” warns me.
After an hour of being frozen in the headlights, reality set in. Due to prior dumbfoundedness (look it up) I had no idea what we were doing on the date. Was it a dance, carnival, or pistols at dawn? Should I where overalls or scuba gear? Problem two, do I pay? Does she? Do we go Dutch? Lucky Dutch guys! They have a much healthier dating protocol. Where do I have to go to enjoy the Dutch dating scene? Dutchland? Deutschland? Denmark? Or Holland? If I knew, I would be there right now. Anyway, payment and dress were the least of my problems. Inexperienced in the role of the girl, I could not think of any way to avoid the impending date. The worst part was when I heard that a lot of her guy friends had bailed on her recently. So I made the most of the date. Not only did I try to make it fun, but I also did my best to openly reveal every one of my character flaws that I could think of. I held nothing back. I was like a National Enquirer reporter seeking to exaggerate even the smallest imperfections. Judging by the events of the following day, this had no effect.
The next day I awoke wiser, refreshed, and completely unawares. After all this was day 2 at “being the girl.” She came over mid-day and started hanging out. She knocked on the door and just entered. I didn’t want to be rude, brutally honest, or lie and pretend I had prior plans. After all, two days of being a girl is not enough time to erode away all of my conscience. So I began employing clever girl trickery. I started doing dishes while she was talking at me. Then I cleaned the counters. Eventually I ran out of things to clean, so I said, “I’m hungry.” This backfired as she suggested we go out to eat. Great Idea lets invite a bunch of people! I called everyone I could think of. As you can see, I started getting better at being the girl, but I’m still a rookie. I spoke to a pro on Sunday who had 22 years of experience as a girl. She said, why didn’t you just say I need to take a nap? See what I mean? (Total pro).
My brief stint in this role wasn’t all bad. I enjoyed the complete lack of responsibility to plan the date and the financial accountability to carry it out. I did not enjoy hearing that we had held hands on our date even though we hadn’t. Man some people can be so aggressive and pushy! I’m just glad it’s over and I made it through without any hot flashes, emotional episodes, or pregnancy tests.
After an hour of being frozen in the headlights, reality set in. Due to prior dumbfoundedness (look it up) I had no idea what we were doing on the date. Was it a dance, carnival, or pistols at dawn? Should I where overalls or scuba gear? Problem two, do I pay? Does she? Do we go Dutch? Lucky Dutch guys! They have a much healthier dating protocol. Where do I have to go to enjoy the Dutch dating scene? Dutchland? Deutschland? Denmark? Or Holland? If I knew, I would be there right now. Anyway, payment and dress were the least of my problems. Inexperienced in the role of the girl, I could not think of any way to avoid the impending date. The worst part was when I heard that a lot of her guy friends had bailed on her recently. So I made the most of the date. Not only did I try to make it fun, but I also did my best to openly reveal every one of my character flaws that I could think of. I held nothing back. I was like a National Enquirer reporter seeking to exaggerate even the smallest imperfections. Judging by the events of the following day, this had no effect.
The next day I awoke wiser, refreshed, and completely unawares. After all this was day 2 at “being the girl.” She came over mid-day and started hanging out. She knocked on the door and just entered. I didn’t want to be rude, brutally honest, or lie and pretend I had prior plans. After all, two days of being a girl is not enough time to erode away all of my conscience. So I began employing clever girl trickery. I started doing dishes while she was talking at me. Then I cleaned the counters. Eventually I ran out of things to clean, so I said, “I’m hungry.” This backfired as she suggested we go out to eat. Great Idea lets invite a bunch of people! I called everyone I could think of. As you can see, I started getting better at being the girl, but I’m still a rookie. I spoke to a pro on Sunday who had 22 years of experience as a girl. She said, why didn’t you just say I need to take a nap? See what I mean? (Total pro).
My brief stint in this role wasn’t all bad. I enjoyed the complete lack of responsibility to plan the date and the financial accountability to carry it out. I did not enjoy hearing that we had held hands on our date even though we hadn’t. Man some people can be so aggressive and pushy! I’m just glad it’s over and I made it through without any hot flashes, emotional episodes, or pregnancy tests.
posted by B-rad at
9:04 AM
4 Comments:
actually, i think that the excuse "i need to go, i need to check the results of my ept and i just can't wait any longer!" may have just done the trick. brad - what's up with the anti-girl hostility? just so you know, i will be glad to show you the rare ways of the girl-who-is-actually-straight-forward-and-not completely-crazy-and-coniving. let us help you . . .
I wasn't trying for anti-girl hostility, I was making a discovery of what girls have to deal with (props to them) and simply suggesting that if they weren't cute, there would be a bounty on their heads. Also I really wanna know more about the Dutch
so will this at all effect how you act when playing the role of the boy?
Absolutely! Now I know how to play with their minds even more!
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