Dragged Into the Late 90's

With the help of my friend, Brad, I recently sold my first item on Ebay. I'm addicted! I totally want to sell a bunch more stuff and maybe even bid on other people's stuff. What sort of stuff? Well who wouldn't want a slightly used pair of Dockers with designer holes? Sure it might not sell in 48 hours like my previous item, but the bidding would be exciting. Ebay is the greatest garage sale of all time! It never ends, there's no funny smell, and you don't have the embarrassment of people driving by and seeing you buy someone else's junk. There are not even weird looking people who mutter to themselves.

To think, I could unload all my junk onto other people and make money while I do it. Sometimes I wish I could pawn a relationship off onto someone else. Wouldn't it be great if instead of going through a messy break up, someone else could just take over? They would pay for the bus ticket out of town and all you would have to do is send your ex-boy/girlfriend packing (along with all her emotional baggage). On second thought, that’s a really bad idea. I think I'll just stick to selling inanimate objects. Any one want a mint condition copper relief sculpture of our Nations beloved 16th president?

Farewell to Sleeves

In my youth I grew out of my clothes constantly. I always felt bad having to say goodbye to an almost new shirt because it no longer fit. Then, Suddenly, I stopped (growing). It's great; I never grow out of shoes or clothes. This means I never get rid of anything until it falls apart, escapes, or is thrown away at an intervention held in my honor.

So my friend at work, we'll just call her Pam, commented on my Dockers having holes in both knees. Pam said, "It may be time to throw those away." I told her I would if three more people commented on them. Later, the same day I got up to get a drink and my friend, we'll call her Ashley, tapped me on the shoulder to let me know that there was a hole in the back of my pants. I reached back and felt a hole the size of my fist! How long had it been there? I dunno. How did I not notice it? I dunno. Why didn't the girls that normally check me out at work let me know about the hole? I dunno. All I know is that I had been wearing them all day at work and the day before all day.

I escaped into the bathroom with the office stapler and quickly began stapling the hole together.
I returned from the bathroom to a familiar site. Yep! An intervention of co-workers telling me to toss the docks. So I did, but I had to take a photo to remember them by. I'll be posting it soon. To honor them I present the following:

Farewell my docks
Letting go was not easy
Many years you were comfy
And always nice and breezy